I'm Sorry, You're Obnoxious
by AuroraExecution
Summary: What would REALLY happen if the Saint Seiya characters encountered Mary-Sues. WARNING: much rejection and demise of Sue-types found within.
1. The Bronze Saints

**Disclaimer:** Saint Seiya is not mine, but if it were, I'd protect them better against the Sues of the world.

**Notes:** Ya, so. If you like MarySues, this is a MarySue parody. You are forewarned. The first set is five mini-Sues about the Bronze Saints. The next one will be the Gold Saints, and then, there will probably be a combined one for the Godwarriors of Asgard and a couple of the Poseidon's Mariners, and then one for the Hades Spectres. So. Again, this is making fun of Mary-sue fics, so if you write marysues, or have ever been said to write marysues, please don't read this; it'll just offend you. Really.

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1. Nadia Midori was the prettiest girl in the whole wide world, but she could never find a man who didn't love her only for her looks. Until Seiya. "I'm sorry, Midori-san," he said the first time they met, "The only reason I don't love you for your looks is because I really don't love you."

* * *

2. "Let me help you, sir," said Emily, a gorgeous blond girl who was, for some odd reason, working in a convenience store in Tokyo to support her ailing mother and three younger siblings. Everyone in her life was always so unkind to her, but Shiryuu was different.

"I really don't need help buying shampoo," he told her very politely, "and I do not quite have the time to listen to your terribly tragic story."

* * *

3. Natasha, who was the most gorgeous girl in her high school class, fell in love with Hyoga at first sight, and proceeded to tell him so. "We must be made for each other," claimed Natasha, "because we're both blond and half-Russian!"

In reply, Hyoga sighed. "One, I don't know you," he said, "two, just because you're blond doesn't mean I'll like you, and three, you have the same name as my mother, which just makes it _especially_ awkward."

* * *

4. In a flurry of purple sparkles and pink hearts, Crystal Eleinika Jones's wish came true and she fell into the world of Saint Seiya. The first thing she did was find Shun, who she had learned to love even through the cold glass of the TV screen. "I want to be yours forever!" she shouted passionately to the Andromeda Saint.

Shun started crying. "Nii-san, there's a lunatic lady here and she's scaring me!" Both Ikki's arrival and Crystal's demise were very immediate.

* * *

5. When Samantha Victoria Manchester approached Phoenix Ikki, his first instinct was to run away. Ikki was not one for lots of human contact, after all. However, Sam was so rich that her father owned half of New York City, and she was totally in love with Ikki.

Ikki's second instinct was…to run away. Or kill Samantha. He was still trying to decide.


	2. The Gold Saints

**Notes:** Now for the Gold Saints. Thank you to all 9 (WOW!) of my reviewers: Petite Dilly, Alake, Aleydis Emma Jade, Lacus Kimbley, Narwe-san, LSN, Fire-chan, Alaiya, and Xanat.

Once more, just in case. If you like to read/write Marysues, or stories in the vein of Marysues, and you are easily offended and tend to take yourself very seriously, please do not continue reading. You will be offended and I will not care, and that would be a great tragedy.

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6. Aries Mu was working quietly in his temple when Lily-Rose came in. She was a genius at fixing Cloths, she said, and she used to train with Mu when they were very young. However, something terrible happened when they were both eight, and Shion sealed Mu's memories of her.

Mu blinked innocuously. Kiki dumped a bucket of cold oatmeal on Lily-Rose's head.

* * *

7. Bethany, Silver Saint of Auriga, had always had a secret crush on Gemini Saga. After many long years of unhealthy emo angst, she finally decided she was going to confess her love. "I, Auriga Bethany, have always loved you," she said shyly to Saga one morning. Saga raised an eyebrow.

"Have you ever met Cappella?" he asked.

* * *

8. Tara and Kara were sixteen-year-old twins and best friends, and they had recently begun to study under the Gemini twins in Sanctuary. Tara was shy and liked books and other smart stuff and had a huge crush on Saga. Kara was fun and bouncy and loved going out, and she had set her sights on dating Kanon. "We should totally hang out sometime," Kara informed Kanon one day, "You seem like so much fun, and my sister and Saga should, like, totally get together."

"Since when have Saga and I been alive at the same time for long enough to teach?" answered Kanon. "And, no thanks. We're definitely both twenty-eight."

* * *

9. Alarielwen was the fifth forgotten daughter of Elrond, and one of the most beautiful and talented elves (and the feistiest) to be seen by mortal eyes. When she arrived at Sanctuary, her primary goal quickly became to tame the crude and disagreeable Cancer Saint. She hoped he would come to be used to her presence, and she could erode away his cantankerous façade.

Three days after Alarielwen started chatting with Deathmask, she mysteriously disappeared. Deathmask smirked evilly all through the fourth day.

* * *

10. Zaliya was the daughter of Hades and Persephone. Zaliya was also the only spot of beauty and goodness in the underworld—she cleaned every morning, fed Cerberus, and even brought the specters lemonade. However, she knew she was the daughter of Hades, so she despaired of ever finding true love. But when she mysteriously ended up in Leo Temple, she knew that Aiolia was the one. He was so brave, smart, and hot it made her knees weak.

"Sorry," Aiolia replied to her entreaties, "But I have to kill your dad, and that kind of puts a damper on things."

* * *

11. erisala was the Diamond Saint of Tiger, who never seemed to capitalize her name and was unaware there was no tiger constellation. She talked in a weird foreign language that nobody understood, called "Lolese", which mostly consisted of words like lol, g2g, ttul, gr8, and ur.

Thus, when erisala tried to proposition Virgo Shaka with "i luv u lol g2g k, eri", he calmly explained that lol was not a word and u was actually spelled with three letters and her name needed capitalization, and that he really had no patience for people who did not possess basic language skills.

* * *

12. Jade Kamryn Paris had long ebony curls and glowing azure orbs, and her skin was like a rose petal. She was blissfully unaware of punctuation and paragraph breaks, but she was always spunky and cheerful about the worst situations, like her dog dying and her house falling on her brother and her best friend being wrongfully imprisoned, because she knew she loved Dohko.

"I'm going to ignore the part where I'm 261 and you're fifteen," Dohko said one day at a romantic dinner, "and skip right to the part where I really hate ditzy, self-consumed people."

* * *

13. Alexanne Starr noticed the hunky, blue-haired man sitting in the corner of the bar and just had to talk to him, like there was some sort of magnetism between them. The blue-haired man took one look at Alexanne and her gorgeous auburn waves and curvy body and said, "Sweetie, I'm not interested in doing anything illegal and would much rather you left me alone." And then, Milo promptly returned his focus to Dante's Inferno.

* * *

14. The Gryffin Saint Amanda: omg, this is liek so awesome. Aiolos ur sooooo hawt. lets do something

Aiolos: o…k…then.

The Gryffin Saint Amanda: im like so sexy lol

Aiolos: Lol? What are you talking about?

The Gryffin Saint Amanda: we should liek go make out and stuff

Aiolos: Um, crazy lady, I'm dead.

* * *

15. Capricorn Shura was never one for having particularly strong feelings towards anyone except his strong loyalty to Athena. And then he met Kaoru. Kaoru was slender and pretty, with red hair and black bangs, but the first thing she said indicated her obvious intelligence. "Oh, Shura, I'm so sorry you had to kill your friends and take over the world."

"Excuse me?" Shura blinked in confusion.

"I know, it's hard, but I understand you—you're not evil, just confused."

"Wow," said Shura, "I think this is the first time I've actually hated someone."

* * *

16. Giselle Blackmoon was a vampire. She had long black hair and glowing red eyes, she always wore black clothes, and her life was always filled with pain and people who did not understand. Then she fell in love with Aquarius Camus. To make him love her back, Giselle made up a purple love potion, and sneaked into Aquarius temple to dump it in Camus's red wine.

Camus looked up from his book to see a girl with too much makeup putting something in his glass. He did not bother to ask who she was. The next morning, Milo found a large ice block on his back steps.

* * *

17. When Pisces Aphrodite found himself somehow teaching at Hogwarts School for Wizards, he found Elizabeth Potter, the genius witch with long, flowing, purple hair especially disturbing. She was the long-lost half-sister of the famous Harry Potter, and had been sent to another muggle family who had mistreated her, and the kids at school were all mean to her because of Harry.

One day, Elizabeth came to Aphrodite's Majickal Poisons classroom and hugged him and began sobbing about how miserable her life was. Aphrodite smiled evilly and gave her a red rose to cheer her up. Elizabeth was not in Majickal Poisons class the next day.

* * *

18. Shion met his newest student one sunny morning. Her name was Violette Hana Snowfire Josephine Myers, she had pink hair and matching dots in place of eyebrows, and he had been told she was a natural learner. Violette was terribly pretty and obedient and was obviously in love with Shion. "I'm sorry," Shion finally told her, "You and I aren't going to work."

"Why not?" she demanded with tears in her eyes.

"Because your name is way too long," he answered, "and, besides, I'm old."


End file.
